The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
