I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
