I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
