I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
