I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I want to fling myself into the sun
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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