the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
