Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
