I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You are the jesus of drinking
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
