I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
