The maid of honor just puked.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize