It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
