...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
