I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
