i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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