i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
