Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
its not stalking. its research.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
