Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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