Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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