we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
