Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
