The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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