I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
