just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
