I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
