Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Found your dick twin last night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
