I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't deserve a penis
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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