FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize