Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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