I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
