she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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