I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize