My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
