i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
there is glitter all over my balls
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
