At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
operation have a gay friend backfired
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
