I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
