he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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