ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
