I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize