So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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