I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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