remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
