Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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