Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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