Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
