I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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