do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
