Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
