I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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