so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
