Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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