I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
