Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
