its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
