why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize