so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
