i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Your penis caused this!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
