happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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