Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
