So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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