i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you inspire me to be a worse person
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
