It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
