going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
