its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
