sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
