My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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