mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
