well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
