He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
